List, List, List

Since this month is the last month of this year, to celebrate it like everyone else I’ll start to make a list. A booklist. This year’s booklist and next year’s.

Last year I don’t really have any target or any particular titles to read for 2013, my target was only to read 12 English books (quite pessimistic, I know) and I’ve succeed. Yay! This is the list:

[X] White Cat by Holly Black
[X] Red Gloves by Holly Black
[X] Black Heart by Holly Black
[X] The Lover’s Dictionary by David Levithan
[X] Perfect Chemistry by Simone Elkeles
[X] Destined by P.C. Cast & Kristin Cast
[X] Hidden by P.C. Cast & Kristin Cast
[X] Inferno by Dan Brown
[X] Anatomy of a Single Girl by Daria Snadowsky
[X] The Average American Marriage by Chad Kultgen
[X] The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
[X] City of Bones by Cassandra Clare
[X] City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare
[X] City of Glass by Cassandra Clare
[X] City of Fallen Angel by Cassandra Clare
[X] Bared to you by Silvia Day
[X] Reflected in You by Silvia Day

Yup, pretty much common books because to be honest I don’t really enjoy non-fiction or any heavy reading. That’s why for 2014, I’ll challenge myself to read a little out of my comfort zone. I got the list from Goodreads Best Books of 2013. There are total 20 books, but since I’ve already read Inferno so I made a little change to it and replace Inferno with The Cuckoo’s Calling by Robert Galbraith.

This is the list: http://www.goodreads.com/choiceawards/best-books-2013

So, will I cross every title for this list? Let’s see next year 😉

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Yes. The Cover Does Matter.

Just read my sophisticated (in a very good way) cousin’s blog and just realized that she is a book blogger (is that how you say it?). I know she has this envious passion with reading since I already follow her twitter for some time, but I didn’t know how book freak (once again, in a very good way) she was. That sure explain all the book reviews she’s been posting all along.

Being a book freak she is, she has several books-to-read list -including those followed by book challenge- for a year alone. And swear to god, I want to hide my books-read-this-year list after seeing her number :’)

So, after feeling pity for myself and my book list, I tried to reassess the way I build my reading list so far. Usually I went to my favorite bookstore Periplus every now and then, and made a note of books that got me interested. I got home and I searched the ebook in the internet, both free and paid (yes, I often read books for free, sue me!). I put it on my reading devices (my phone and Nook) and when I felt I need a new reading, I opened my phone -or Nook- and picked a random book. I usually picked it by the author or if I was bored, by the cover. So yes. Guilty as I am, I’m one of those people who still ‘judgje’ a book by it’s cover.

This is how I choose my book:

1. Personal experiences/known author

2. Friends/family/favorite writers suggestion

3. Best sellers or award winning

4. Interesting book cover

See? Yes, the cover is not the first on my list -hopefully not the first either of anyone’s list- but it’s there, haunting at the number four. I dare to bet that it will also be somewhere in a reader’s -avid or not- list. Therefore, saying don’t judge a book by it’s cover is exactly the same as saying don’t judge someone by their looks. Almost impossible. It may not be the number one thought, but it will still be there. No matter how you sugarcoated it.

Your Job is Not Your Career; let alone your gender and yourself.

Siang ini emosi ibu hamil gue keusik gara-gara lihat post seorang teman di Path. Post itu menyuarakan penolakan atas ajang Miss World yg sekarang sedang berlangsung di Bali. Sebelum lanjut ke persoalan kenapa gue merasa keganggu banget oleh post tersebut, gue mau ngelurusin beberapa hal. Satu, gue tidak mendukung ajang-ajang kecantikan manapun, termasuk Miss World. Dua, gue bukan kesel sama teman gue, tapi lebih ke isi post dan the fact that it’s been spread out so carelessly.

Dalam post tersebut dibilang kalau Miss World itu harusnya diuji urusan masak, nyuci, nyapu, ngepel, nyikat WC, bersihin kotoran bayi, mendiamkan bayi yg nangis, menapih beras, dan melayani suami karena itu baru namanya perempuan sejati. Lalu ada tambahan, kalau cuma foto, bergaya, centil, memamerkan badan, senyum, dan melambaikan tangan, topeng monyet juga bisa (beserta beberapa foto topeng monyet).

Di sini gue ga akan ngebahas part ke dua yg menyinggung kontes Miss World saat ini, bukan itu fokusnya. Gue mau menyinggung bagian pertama yg ceritanya menggambarkan ‘ciri’ seorang perempuan sejati.

Gue emosi baca post tersebut masih ada aja yg sembarangan mengasosiasikan pekerjaan rumah tangga sebagai ciri dari perempuan sejati. WTF?

Bukan urusan gue ga mau melakukan semua pekerjaan rumah tangga itu –which by the way I gladly accepted it as part of my job now– atau gue protes kalau perempuan itu harus punya karir yg sama dengan laki-laki bla bla bla. Bukan. Cuma gue ga bisa terima sama orang yg masih berpikiran kalau pekerjaan yg lo lakuin sehari-hari adalah identitas diri lo, lebih spesifiknya lagi, gender lo. Perempuan itu manusia, sama seperti laki-laki. Perempuan punya hak memilih apa yg ingin mereka lakukan dalam hidup. Perempuan, lagi-lagi sama seperti laki-laki, juga punya kewajiban untuk mengembangkan diri menjadi manusia seutuhnya.

Misalnya gue deh. Laki gue kerja kantoran, pergi pagi pulangnya malem. Dia juga pencari nafkah utama dalam keluarga gue. Saat ini gue memilih hanya kerja sampingan, yg setiap minggunya mengambil 6 – 12 jam waktu hidup gue. Logikanya jelas, pekerjaan rumah tangga ya adalah bagian dari tugas gue. Ngurusin makan suami –yg tidak selalu gue yg masak sendiri- juga urusan gue. Gimana ga? Laki gue cape bok dari pagi sampe malem kerja untuk kita berdua, masa iya pulang gue tega ngebiarin gitu aja. Itu orang yg gue sayang banget dan menurut negara sah sebagai tanggung jawab gue loh.

Kalau misalnya nanti kebutuhan gue atau keluarga gue berubah dan gue punya kerjaan kantoran yg menyita waktu gue 40-50 jam per-minggunya, ya solusi untuk keluarga gue jg mungkin akan berubah. Entah itu gue cari pembantu atau bahu-membahu sama suami untuk urusan pekerjaan rumah tangga, atau apapun itu yg sesuai dengan kebutuhan pada saat tersebut.

Intinya, kalaupun nanti gue tidak lagi mengerjakan pekerjaan rumah, hal itu ga terus membuat gue jadi perempuan yg tidak sejati. Karena hal-hal tersebut adalah hanya bagian dari apa yg gue kerjain dan bukan hal yg membentuk diri gue, apalagi mendefinisikan diri gue sebagai seorang perempuan. Manusia (mau laki atau perempuan) itu intinya mengembangkan diri, supaya berguna untuk diri sendiri dan orang lain. Peran yg kita ambil untuk menjadikan diri kita berguna ya itu pilihan masing-masing orang.  Jadi kesejatian gue sebagai seorang perempuan dan manusia bukan lagi soal ngelahirin anak, nyuci, ngepel, jadi pengusaha atau kerja kantoran karena itu semua cuma sesuatu yg kita kerjakan untuk memenuhi kebutuhan.

Balik lagi ke post tersebut, I know that it was meant to be a joke. Tapi miris rasanya denger orang sembarangan ngomong dan gampang aja nyebarin pikiran-pikiran yg selama ini berusaha dilawan oleh sebagian besar kaum perempuan.

After all, I bet no men would be happy if the world think the best way to define a real man is how good they are at being an ATM machine for their wife. Because trust me, if that’s the case, more than 70% of the men will not pass the test.

(Your Job is Not Your Career is the slogan of @ReneeCC, career motivator)

H + 11

After such a hectic-and-full-of-shouting month preparing our wedding, I can now say that I am my partner’s wife. Sebagai penganten baru, pertanyaan yg paling sering dilontarkan pada saya akhir-akhir ini adalah: “Gimana rasanya punya suami?” atau “Gimana rasanya nikah?”

To be really honest, aside from the sex, nothing really changed. At least not between the two of us. Yg berubah sih banyak secara sekarang saya sudah ga tinggal sama ibu. Dari mulai ga ada ngerengek laper atau rebutan bermanja-manjaan ke ibu dengan tiga adik saya yg lain, sampe kegiatan nyuci baju dan nyetrika pakaian saya dan suami (adeuh euy.. suami nih ye..). Tapi di luar itu semua, hubungan saya dan dia hampir ga ada yg berubah.

Dulu di suatu obrolan pagi buta antara saya dan seorang sahabat tentang pernikahan, kita membahas bahwa pernikahan ga akan tiba-tiba mengubah seseorang. Ga akan ada sulap atau sihir yg sekonyong-konyong mengubah suatu hubungan sesaat setelah mereka menandatangan surat nikah –atau saat sama-sama bilang ‘I do’. Jadi kayanya emang mimpi banget kalo ada orang yg masuk ke sebuah pernikahan dengan berpikir pasangannya akan berubah kalau nanti sudah ada suami/istri. Apa yg kamu hadapi pas pacaran, ya kurang lebih itu juga yg akan kamu hadapi pas nikah. Keadaan, kehidupan dan nasib bisa berubah tapi sifat dasar orang ga. So the whys, the hows, and the whats were never matter. What matters the most is ‘who’, and I’m so glad the ‘who’ is you J

Omong-omong, saya teringat omongan seorang sahabat tentang ‘buka dua mata saat pacaran, tutup sebelah mata saat udah nikah’. Ternyata terasa banget benarnya. Dari dua minggu kurang saya jd istri orang ini aja saya sadar banyak banget hal-hal remeh yg bisa diributin kalo saya masih keukeuh sensi-an. Untungnya saya memilih untuk tidak. Kalau dulu dengan sedikit sindiran aja saya bisa membentak balik dengan emosi, sekarang sih ketawain aja. Ternyata hidup jadi jauh lebih mudah. Ga kebayang deh kalo yg prinsip hidupnya kebalikan, pas pacaran apa-apa terima dan pas nikah malah ga terima karena ekspektasi pribadi yg mendambakan ‘perubahan’ dari pasangannya itu. Bisa gempar dunia persilatan pernikahan.

Tapi ya.. baru juga dua minggu. Kalo meminjam istilah Ninit Yunita mah: bawangnya masih banyak, nda.. J))

#111

You know what’s so annoying for a bride-to-be? For me is the amount of ‘are you sure? are you really really sure?’ questions asked to me. Doh. My first reaction is: “what’s wrong with you guys? If you don’t believe in marriage, that’s your problem. So keep it to yourself.” No, I don’t really say anything like that -a least not loudly. But then I remember that they don’t mean any harm. They just want me to be really sure because I’m taking the biggest step of my life, yet.

So really, am I sure? Am I really really and fully sure I want this? The honest answer is, no. I’m not really really and fully sure. I mean I believe I’ve made the right decision and I believe I won’t regret it. I also know I’ve chosen the right person, not really sure whether he’s ‘The One’, but he surely is the one who just clicks. But am I sure I’m ready to commit to something FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE? Err….. God! That’s an effing hard question. I wonder whether any of those who’s now married were really that sure when they said their vow.

And above all, really, do I have to? Do I have to be really really and fully sure? Really? I don’t think so.

I don’t believe in forever nor that I ever expect one. I believe in doubt and I believe that’s what really makes a relationship strong. You’re sure today, you’re in doubt tomorrow, that’s only natural. But then you choose. You choose whether you want to stick into what you’ve chosen or to run away and back to square. Again and again until ‘you both shall live’. I believe that the commitment a person make when they decided to get married is not a one for a lifetime commitment. Instead, it’s a commitment and a decision they would have to make over and over again. Just like an art piece I once saw, a miniature of a wedding car going through a never-ending road with open doors along the way. It’s not just one door that you need to open once. It’s a million or even gazillion doors you have to go through and try to open again and again.

So yes, you can throw your question again and again to me. Maybe I’ll say yes, maybe I’ll say not really. It doesn’t matter. I believe I’ve made the best decision I ever did in my life. I just have to remind myself, again and again, to sick into it. Until something really proves me that I’m wrong or as long as we both shall live, either one. I really do hope it’s the latter.

#152

A couple of days ago, when we were talking about wedding budget, we talked about the band. I once said I want an accoustic band, that’s why everytime we went to catering vendor and asked for wedding package prices, we alwas asked whether we can have an accoustic. But after somewhile, I realized that having an accoustic band rather than ‘organ tunggal’ (solo singer + keyboard) is quite expensive. The gap is around 4.5 million so I thought that maybe I shoud just settle with the usual organ tunggal provided by the standard wedding package. It’s not that bad.. but then he said something like this:

“the first time I asked you to marry me and asked you what kind of wedding that you want -the one I’ll try to provide- you said that it had to have top class music. you said it didn’t matter if we’re only having the small wedding, as long as the food is good, and the music is wonderful. if you said you wanted to have accoustic, let’s make it happen.”

Doh. He sounded so romantic. But no, he’s not. At least not the flowers-and-chocolate-kind-of-guy. He’s straight-forward. But he’s also sweet, in his own way. I don’t know what’s going to happen years from now, but at least right now I feel so grateful to have someone like him love me the way he does 🙂

by the way, after spending the last 3 hours googling and youtube-ing wedding bands, I fell in love with this one:

I hope I can have them on my wedding, but even if don’t I would still be happy and grateful. Because even if I don’t have the perfect music for my wedding, I’ll still have the perfect husband 🙂

#175

Two days ago, when we’re googling a picture of (hopefully) the place for our wedding ceremony, I remembered I still have a copied cd of my cousin’s wedding that held on the same place. So I fetched it and opened it in my laptop. Unfortunately, this was one of the events that held BH (before him). That means there’s a good chance to spot me photographed with my ex. So I was careful enough not to pick the one that have me and the ex in it. But then he chose one, randomly, and *bham!* it happenned to have me and the ex right on the center of it.

So there was it. Me and him, staring a laptop showing a photo of me and The Ex. Akward. I thought he’s going to explode, or showing a sudden bad mood or whatnot. But no. He just chose another one and said nothing about it. You know, if this happen with me and the ex, there would definitely be a huge fight tailing. But it didn’t.

I know seeing me with the ex was not an easy thing for him. I fully understand why. But he’s trying to trust me -and himself- that I love him and I’ve choseen him to be the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Not any other person. He knew he didn’t need to be insecured about it. For that, I’m once again filled with gratitude toward him :’)

Frankly I didn’t chose the wrong person. I still don’t.