You know what’s so annoying for a bride-to-be? For me is the amount of ‘are you sure? are you really really sure?’ questions asked to me. Doh. My first reaction is: “what’s wrong with you guys? If you don’t believe in marriage, that’s your problem. So keep it to yourself.” No, I don’t really say anything like that -a least not loudly. But then I remember that they don’t mean any harm. They just want me to be really sure because I’m taking the biggest step of my life, yet.
So really, am I sure? Am I really really and fully sure I want this? The honest answer is, no. I’m not really really and fully sure. I mean I believe I’ve made the right decision and I believe I won’t regret it. I also know I’ve chosen the right person, not really sure whether he’s ‘The One’, but he surely is the one who just clicks. But am I sure I’m ready to commit to something FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE? Err….. God! That’s an effing hard question. I wonder whether any of those who’s now married were really that sure when they said their vow.
And above all, really, do I have to? Do I have to be really really and fully sure? Really? I don’t think so.
I don’t believe in forever nor that I ever expect one. I believe in doubt and I believe that’s what really makes a relationship strong. You’re sure today, you’re in doubt tomorrow, that’s only natural. But then you choose. You choose whether you want to stick into what you’ve chosen or to run away and back to square. Again and again until ‘you both shall live’. I believe that the commitment a person make when they decided to get married is not a one for a lifetime commitment. Instead, it’s a commitment and a decision they would have to make over and over again. Just like an art piece I once saw, a miniature of a wedding car going through a never-ending road with open doors along the way. It’s not just one door that you need to open once. It’s a million or even gazillion doors you have to go through and try to open again and again.
So yes, you can throw your question again and again to me. Maybe I’ll say yes, maybe I’ll say not really. It doesn’t matter. I believe I’ve made the best decision I ever did in my life. I just have to remind myself, again and again, to sick into it. Until something really proves me that I’m wrong or as long as we both shall live, either one. I really do hope it’s the latter.