Your Job is Not Your Career; let alone your gender and yourself.

Siang ini emosi ibu hamil gue keusik gara-gara lihat post seorang teman di Path. Post itu menyuarakan penolakan atas ajang Miss World yg sekarang sedang berlangsung di Bali. Sebelum lanjut ke persoalan kenapa gue merasa keganggu banget oleh post tersebut, gue mau ngelurusin beberapa hal. Satu, gue tidak mendukung ajang-ajang kecantikan manapun, termasuk Miss World. Dua, gue bukan kesel sama teman gue, tapi lebih ke isi post dan the fact that it’s been spread out so carelessly.

Dalam post tersebut dibilang kalau Miss World itu harusnya diuji urusan masak, nyuci, nyapu, ngepel, nyikat WC, bersihin kotoran bayi, mendiamkan bayi yg nangis, menapih beras, dan melayani suami karena itu baru namanya perempuan sejati. Lalu ada tambahan, kalau cuma foto, bergaya, centil, memamerkan badan, senyum, dan melambaikan tangan, topeng monyet juga bisa (beserta beberapa foto topeng monyet).

Di sini gue ga akan ngebahas part ke dua yg menyinggung kontes Miss World saat ini, bukan itu fokusnya. Gue mau menyinggung bagian pertama yg ceritanya menggambarkan ‘ciri’ seorang perempuan sejati.

Gue emosi baca post tersebut masih ada aja yg sembarangan mengasosiasikan pekerjaan rumah tangga sebagai ciri dari perempuan sejati. WTF?

Bukan urusan gue ga mau melakukan semua pekerjaan rumah tangga itu –which by the way I gladly accepted it as part of my job now– atau gue protes kalau perempuan itu harus punya karir yg sama dengan laki-laki bla bla bla. Bukan. Cuma gue ga bisa terima sama orang yg masih berpikiran kalau pekerjaan yg lo lakuin sehari-hari adalah identitas diri lo, lebih spesifiknya lagi, gender lo. Perempuan itu manusia, sama seperti laki-laki. Perempuan punya hak memilih apa yg ingin mereka lakukan dalam hidup. Perempuan, lagi-lagi sama seperti laki-laki, juga punya kewajiban untuk mengembangkan diri menjadi manusia seutuhnya.

Misalnya gue deh. Laki gue kerja kantoran, pergi pagi pulangnya malem. Dia juga pencari nafkah utama dalam keluarga gue. Saat ini gue memilih hanya kerja sampingan, yg setiap minggunya mengambil 6 – 12 jam waktu hidup gue. Logikanya jelas, pekerjaan rumah tangga ya adalah bagian dari tugas gue. Ngurusin makan suami –yg tidak selalu gue yg masak sendiri- juga urusan gue. Gimana ga? Laki gue cape bok dari pagi sampe malem kerja untuk kita berdua, masa iya pulang gue tega ngebiarin gitu aja. Itu orang yg gue sayang banget dan menurut negara sah sebagai tanggung jawab gue loh.

Kalau misalnya nanti kebutuhan gue atau keluarga gue berubah dan gue punya kerjaan kantoran yg menyita waktu gue 40-50 jam per-minggunya, ya solusi untuk keluarga gue jg mungkin akan berubah. Entah itu gue cari pembantu atau bahu-membahu sama suami untuk urusan pekerjaan rumah tangga, atau apapun itu yg sesuai dengan kebutuhan pada saat tersebut.

Intinya, kalaupun nanti gue tidak lagi mengerjakan pekerjaan rumah, hal itu ga terus membuat gue jadi perempuan yg tidak sejati. Karena hal-hal tersebut adalah hanya bagian dari apa yg gue kerjain dan bukan hal yg membentuk diri gue, apalagi mendefinisikan diri gue sebagai seorang perempuan. Manusia (mau laki atau perempuan) itu intinya mengembangkan diri, supaya berguna untuk diri sendiri dan orang lain. Peran yg kita ambil untuk menjadikan diri kita berguna ya itu pilihan masing-masing orang.  Jadi kesejatian gue sebagai seorang perempuan dan manusia bukan lagi soal ngelahirin anak, nyuci, ngepel, jadi pengusaha atau kerja kantoran karena itu semua cuma sesuatu yg kita kerjakan untuk memenuhi kebutuhan.

Balik lagi ke post tersebut, I know that it was meant to be a joke. Tapi miris rasanya denger orang sembarangan ngomong dan gampang aja nyebarin pikiran-pikiran yg selama ini berusaha dilawan oleh sebagian besar kaum perempuan.

After all, I bet no men would be happy if the world think the best way to define a real man is how good they are at being an ATM machine for their wife. Because trust me, if that’s the case, more than 70% of the men will not pass the test.

(Your Job is Not Your Career is the slogan of @ReneeCC, career motivator)

This is why..

A couple of days ago, a friend of mine has just lost her child right after she gave birth to him. He was premature and his kidney was kind of on the outer of his body. She was devastated, her whole family was, so was I.

There’s so many wrong things going on. It should have been foreseen by the doctor when she had an ultrasound, why didn’t it? I mean she must had it right before she gave birth, the baby was premature after all. So why didn’t anyone knows about it?

One of the family member said that she remembered her having this stomacache before she knew she was pregnant. And her clueless father kept on giving her some medicine for her stomach pain. Some of them think that maybe the cause of this unfortunate event.

One of the thing was.. well.. she was married by accident. So there’s this assumption that maybe she was trying to get herself unpregnant (is that really a word?) before she finally decided to get married. That or that she was simply clueless and misguided since she wasn’t close to her mother and her father was really clueless about this side of womanhood.

Anyhow, that didn’t really matters. What I’m trying to say is..

I hate that women in my country are lacking the information they need about their body. This is exactly why sex education is playing a big role. Sex education is not about learning how to have sex, it’s about learning our own body and how our action can impact ourself and the people we love. Why can’t those so-called religious people understand? If we have more knowledge, we have more option. That’s the basic logic of everything. That is why parents want their child to have higher education, so the child jas more option in finding ways to survive. This is just the same.

If women know about her body -her cycle, what it gets to make her pregnant and how to avoid it, she will know what should she assume or DO when she is late -periodwise. A woman should know about contraception and birth control, both the option and the access to it. A woman should know how to make sure whether she were pregnant and what option she had when it happened.

Women are the ones whose carrying a baby. We are the ones -at least in my culture- who will suffer much more than men when something like an unwanted child happen. We should have taken control of our body. We are expected to be more knowledgeable and responsible and we should accept it. Women need to understand that we do have a voice when it came to our body and our savety, and our voice comes with responsibility. Including when to have sex and with whom.

Yes, some men are simply a jerk and deserved to be thrown to a garbage bin, but we also have to stop playing victims. We are as responsible as the person who touched our body -unless it wasn’t consensual, if it wasn’t then it’s a whole different story.

So there. I voiced my thoughts on it.